Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The pain


I know I have not been blogging.I am already back to Jakarta recuperating.My period came on 4th April.I vividly remembered waking up in the morning and went to take a shower and it came.I was confused and sad.

I remembered crying in the shower questioning myself.Did I exhaust myself?Did I eat something?I called KY and told him the bad news.He was just about to board the plane to Papua when I called.He told me not to worry and if its confirm that is my period we can try again.He said no matter what,with or without a child he always love me.After putting down the phone I immediately called CHR hotline.Since it was Sunday,I was asked to go for blood test on Monday morning.I just don't feel like talking to anybody and I don't feel like telling anybody at that time.I just wanted to be alone.

Next day went to the hospital and did my blood test.Deep inside me there is a tiny bit of hope that it was a false alarm.But who am I kidding?

Right before lunch, CHR called and confirm that I am not pregnant.I was devastated! I was in my own house in my room...crying my heart out!Soon after I called Linda to tell her the news.She came soon after and we talked and we cried.I was quite relieved after a good cry.

At time like these its good to have good friends around.I have to be strong and try again.I wont give up.I know Allah had best things in store for us.I know that!

I just need to get away and go back to KY.2 days later I was back in Jakarta to my loving husband.

WJ was in Singapore for treatment.I get to see her when I fetched her at the airport a day before I leave for Jakarta.She was looking good.She had gain a bit of weight but her face was radiant.

Felt so sorry for her because she was counting to spend time with me in Singapore.When she saw me at the airport, she asked me why I'm going back so soon?At that time I couldn't help it as I whispered to her ear and told her that the IVF had failed.Tears started trickling down as she held my hand firmly.I wanted so much to talk to her!And she knew I wanted to.

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