Nothing is perfect

I am a PERFECTIONIST.

Even there is not perfection in this world but I tried to be near perfect.Everything have to be in order and I'm a sucker for filling things in order.I'm like Monica in 'Friends' or the guy from 'Monk'. I hate messy room, when the floor feels yucky, chairs not aligned to the dining tables, creases on bedsheets, perfumes bottles not lines to my likings..so on and so forth.

My bedroom is a sacred place.Had nice bedsheets with throws and small pillows for decorations and in the evening had the bedside lamp on to give a romantic effect.

When KY wanted to have a nap,I insisted that he have to sleep on the floor.He grumbled a lot and said,"What is the use of having a nice bed when you have to sleep on the floor?" Sorry darling!I just don't like to see the bed messy during daytime.Even then sometimes he just slept on the bed during daytime when I'm out and I would tuck the bed sheet in again after he's done napping.

I tried to be more relax and not bothered with all the mess but I heard voices in my head.So there I go washing the dishes, clearing the tables, picking up crumbs at midnight.

Now that I'm married, my habit still does not change.It gets worst because I kept picking up bits and pieces for KY while he is eating!

And whats up with men and the way they eat?Eat within your horizon..not outside! There's place mat so even if it spill, it will land on the place mat and not the other side of the table?

Now with kids at home,the picking up of cups, plates, bits piece of papers double than before.It agitates me when I see pieces of crumbs lying on the floor, pencils lying here and there.And the other day I found a marker in the toilet sink.I wonder how it got there.I don't know why but I enjoy doing it.

People might thought I am crazy but I'm just being me!

Any other day...

You know what?

It just occurred to me that Allah had granted my wish. I was chatting with Airin the other day.She was asking how I was coping with the kids and all. And suddenly, it came to me that Allah had given me a chance to become a mother even if its not my own flesh and blood.To give me chance how motherhood will fit me if I become one someday ...Insyallah.Although the kids do get on my nerve sometimes but it was a memories that I will cherished forever.

I had pengajian yesterday at Pondok Indah - Doa bulan Safar.Ended after Dzuhur prayer and went to Noreha's house for lunch.By the time I went back home it was already 3 pm. On the way home, I was planning, once home, will do my Asr prayer and chat with my friends before the kids come back from school and maybe slotted some quiet time.Hmm....I didn't get to do the chatting or quiet time.By the time I arrived,they are already home.Sigh.......No 'ME TIME'

Fa called the other day, WJ had to do piles operation.If everything went well, she should be home by Saturday.Not sure if she would do her therapy here or in Singapore.But I'm glad that she able to go through these ordeal.Its difficult time for her and motivations was all she need right now.

KY had no training today so we plan to go out..yipeee! I so much in need to get away from the house before I go bonkers! And this morning, I was AGAIN being reminded to buy board for Ix school project and he wanted a sketch book like his brother.

Beware..Children on the loose!

I couldn't remember when was he last time I had peace and quiet in my own house.WJ was rushed to hospital 2 weeks ago.She had troubled breathing.We received a call from Fa one morning,Ky rushed to their house and looking at her, Ky gave a chest pump.He pumped couple of time when the ambulance finally arrived.

She was admitted to ICU Cinere and was on oxygen for few days before she was finally transported for further treatment and that was how it started.Fa requested for the children to stay over at our house since the house need to be 'cleansed'.

And that is how I had a taste of Motherhood.

To become an instant mum is not a joyride especially with 5 growing kids (from age 12 - 3).Morning was a madhouse here.Its a miracle since the neighbour yet to complained.After 4 of them bundled in a car to school, then I had my morning coffee and it will be peace before 4 pm comes when they return from school.

I have learned to block my ears with all the fighting , the complains and the whining.But sometimes they really test my patience..What do I do? I just locked myself in my room.But 5 mins later I could hear them knocking on the door...'Aunty Ha ...Aunty Ha...what are you doing?I want to come in'

To put them in bed was another hurdle.I didn't know where they get the energy from.They just simply not tired at all.As for me, my energy already drained out from me.The first two eldest frightened to sleep alone, so I had to sleep with them in the room and when I knew they had already fallen asleep, then I would go back to my room.The youngest 2 was easy...at certain time you would able to see their eyes drooping.The girl only sleep when she feels sleepy so I just let her be.

Despite their naughtiness, cheekiness and tantrums each one of them had their own unique ways of expressing themselves.