My niece was born

We welcome a new addition to our family.My niece, Anaelle Hayra was born on 14th Dec 2009.When Ana posted her picture, it reminded me of Umayrah - her elder sister.How those two look alike when they were born! Umayrah was over the moon when she saw her baby sister.She wanted to hold her, fed her and wouldnt want anybody to hold her.She thinks she's the mother...How cute was that!

Mixed Feeling

Habib went to the office this morning to finalised his last day of service here.It will end January 2010.

Lots of packing need to be done but I just want to take my time doing it.Firstly, I need to get few quotations since I'm bringing back my dining table and living room set and other stuff!Goodness...didn't know I have accumulated that much! he he he!

Yesterday, we planned to watch 2012 movie but it was sold out.Do you believe that...and its Monday yesterday!So this morning, at 11 I'm already at the theatre to buy for tonight's show.Based of the review the movie was a hit.Not to get ourselves carried away while watching...as a Muslim, only Allah knows when will be the end of the world.

P/s Habib loved my Feta cheese Salad and Beef Mayo sandwiches!

Thank You..

Question that I have been dreading for past 3 years - What happen if you were to go back to your hometown?

To be honest, my answer will be NO.And why? So many memories I had during my stay here.It seem a short stay but deep inside me there is a connection with this country.I love the people, the custom , the massive jam and even the so-called unhygienic food cart seller.Lots of things I had achieved during my stay...I managed to recite the Quran, I managed to offer my service to the orphanage and lots more which I had wanted to do.My only regret was I could have done more if only we stayed longer.

When I leave this country, only consolation that stays with me is that my 3 years here is not wasted.I will always keep the memories inside me.

Thank you Indonesia!

1st November - a date to remember

1st Nov probably the most saddest day ever for Habib.

1st November mark the death his late father.And yesterday, 1st November, we received a call that his good friend , Jack passed away while playing for charity.And 1st November too, he decided not to sign on for another term here.

I will always remember this date.

Up and About

Laylat Al-Qadr that falls the last 10 days of Ramadhan are very important to all Muslims.I hope I would be able to i`tikaf (spiritual retreat) during these period and I hope that I'm able to qatam.Insyallah! If my eyes don't fail me!

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I was busy these Ramadhan.I was amazed at my own self.This year, I was extremely busy in buying groceries and in the kitchen...preparing menu to cook for iftar and run errands.

I had my days planned out the night before.Morning after sahur and Suboh, I wont sleep and 8 am and that's when I would do my groceries and errands.Here , some things cant be found in one place, so you have to run around few different places.Reached home by Noon and prep the maid what to cook and stuff.After Dzuhur, Habib will go for his training....check my FB and emails for an hour or so.Andy by 4.....I would be busy in the kitchen.Habib said that would be the only time you can see me in the kitchen, after Ramadhan I would be at the 'mall' kitchen! Yeah...sometimes dont understand my own self.If the urged to cook came, I would be cooking a storm.

This Ramadhan I was exceptionally because I'm able to share my cooking's to few of our neighbours.Alhamdulillah!

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Habib bought BB curve for my pre-birthday.I was hoping for something else but Alhamdulillah, that will do.On my birthday itself, will be going back to Sin for lebaran...how pathetic was that? Didn't get to celebrate birthday with Habib.I'm too old to be celebrating anyway! There are few significant birthday occasions that I would always remember.

Year 1991, a too long birthday!Celebrate birthday with my girlfriends, a week before and after!It was like the whole month was my birthday!

Year 2005, celebrated birthday in 2 different countries.Morning in Rome and evening in Paris.How cool was that! Actually we were on vacation and on the day itself we were catching a flight to Paris from Rome.

This year would be like any other year, would be receiving birthday texts, messages on my FB, MSN, emails, phone calls etc.Alhamdulillah...I am remembered!!

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Its 730 am here and I'm still in my PJ's happily typing away.Would head for shower soon and pengajian later at 10 and after that few last minute errands to do.

Ramadhan Kareem

Happy Ramadhan to all Muslim brothers and sisters. Its been four days since we started fasting, Insyallah during this sacred month, make use of the opportunity to gain out of it.Its a month to be close to Allah.

Ramadhan Mubarak to All!!

Me Time..Thats what I need!

Ok...How much I love you to bits and pieces, don't you think its little bit too much of us?

I'm counting the days you start your training and travelling.Don't get me wrong...I love you..I do... but too much of you can be quite overwhelming for me.I missed my own space ...I missed my own time..'Me Time'.A time where I can be alone without you interrupting with...'Where are my keys? Where is my blue shirt? How you get this thing going? ...bla..bla..bla'

Last Sat me, Linda and Aida went to a fashion show held by a local designer.Its a all ladies event.I had a great time dolling up myself which I seldom get to do.Since its all ladies event, no men are allowed.So we ladies partied without our hijab on which is a good thing ..for me at least.The dresses was superb but too much of bling! bling!It nearly blinded my eyes!

We are broke...yes we are!

9th July 2009 - We finally cleared our mortgage on the house.And now the house is officially OURS! We are now dead broke but debt free!Its been KY's dream to settle the house loan when he took the job in Jakarta.We were at the Town Council when we hand in the cheque.I was quite sad...lots of things I could do with that sum of money! I could re-renovate the whole house!Now we have to start from scratch...although we do have some left but that is for our retirement.

Went to the dentist 2 days ago and had my teeth polished.My mouth was numb afterwards.The dentist said that I still had one wisdom tooth not removed and if I have any intention to remove it.Nah, as long as it doesnt bother me...just leave the poor tooth there!Now I was contemplating to do teeth whitening.

Yesterday, Dad and Mummy hosted a bar-b-q for WJ and family.They invited the ex Nat players and their family.It was quite fun chatting with the girls and the kids playing by the pool.It ended quite late and I was dead beat by then.

Today, Airin will be having a bar-b-q for her daughter's birthday at Changi.I am in no mood to bar-b-queuing but I already promised her that I would come.I'm not a bar-b-que kind of person...eating half cooked meat that tasted like charcoal! Only consolation is that I get to meet my friends!The only thing is that Ida and Linda couldn't attend ...but that's ok!

I already bought materials for Eid and couldn't wait to fly back to Jkt to have it tailored.I already visualised how it will turn out to be.I'm so excited! The first material is silk lavender and I will make a jilbaya and attach a gold lace on the waistline.And the second material is a lime green soft chiffon and it will turn out like what Paris Hilton wore during the Abu Dhabi Fashion Week...with few adjustments here and there.

P/S I'm craving for J CO's yoghurt!

Invalid post template - HUH?

Finaaalllly....managed to create a new post.Cant seem to create new entry, funny alphabets prompt out saying something wrong with my templates.But somehow ,miraculously today it healed by itself.

We are back in our homeland for a month and its been 2 weeks since we are home.BFF Linda, lend us her USB so we managed to go into Internet in comfort of our own home.Thanks buddy! I owe you one!

Yesterday we were at TM, KY wanted to buy me a new handphone for my birthday - Blackberry Storm.I was contemplating whether I really need that or for something else.I'm not a big fan of handphone and to crack my head to learn a new gadgets can be quite frustrating.And who can I BB to?

MJ passed away last week.It was a sad news for all MJ fans.I love his songs during my heydays and I think he is a great singer, composer and dancer..THE BEST!His death will be a great loss to the music industry.

Endless questions

Why are some people so insensitive to other's feelings?

The other day a lady asked me if I have any children and I said no.She was bewildered and bombarded me with questions like'Why? We are not getting any younger, age is catching up on us.Did you check with the doctor? Did your husband check too because it could be from the husband?'

• Firstly its none of your business.


• Secondly, age does not matter.If Allah want to give, he will give at any age.


• Thirdly, do I have to give u my full medical report? Coz it can take quite a while.


• Fourth ..Do you think I'm stupid that I did a check up and my husband don't?


• Fifth GET A LIFE! DON'T BOTHER ME!

If I were to blasted her with the answers above, it would be rude and that is not what my parents had taught me.I just gritted my teeth, smiled and said,'Pray for me.Who knows Allah listen to your prayers.' and walked off.

Even when young, you have people asking questions, like how many A's you have, What college/University are you in.And if you answer them, they will ask, ' Oh? Why aren't u getting A's? Didn't you study?Why aren't you in this school? It is better in academic..bla..bla..bla!

And when you started working, they will ask if you had any boyfriend? When are you getting married?And if you are not married at a certain age that was 'scheduled' to be married, they will look at you quizzically, like as if something wrong with you that nobody wants you.And worst part, they instantly turn to a match making company.

And when you plan getting married, questions like, what is your husband doing? Does he have a car? a house? Does he come from a good family? Does he have a good income? What does my husband-to-be income got to do with you??

And when you are married, things like these will happen.Asking when we will have kids, why take us so long to have one.And if we do have one, our kids will start being ask the same questions.Its like a cycle.

So its a never ending questions you get from people.I don't mind if people were to ask but can you put it in a nice manner? And if I answer and you happen not to like my answer don't look at me like I'm some kind of alien!

P/S Just as I thought, Kris Allen will win American Idol!

Not cheepy!

Its 23 10 hrs and I'm still not sleepy.Its the latte that I had this afternoon with WJ and ZZ that makes me wide awake till now.

KY in Bandung for their 2 home game.The team have been doing extremely well for the past 5 matches.Hopefully they didn't break their rhythm.

I try drinking milk now and see if I'm able to sleep after that.Usually after hot beverages, I would immediately...ZZZzzzzzzzz

My rambles

Last Saturday, accompanied WJ to her daughter's friend birthday party at Kaluhur.This is my first time to Sentul and I was amazed with the scenery overlooking the mountains.The air is fresh and there are lots of greenery's along the road.I was hoping that we would move here if KY renew his contract this year.The only setback is the journey ....its 1 hr drive from Jakarta and that is if its a smooth road.If heavy traffic, it could take 2 hours back.Anyway, its just a thought!

Yesterday was a surprised for us.Abah replied to our smses.Every week KY will send smses to our parents checking if they are in good health so on and so forth.And my dearest Abah never once replied.He's not really into IT stuff.He does have a handphone but only know how to operate receive incoming and outgoing calls.So to receive sms from him is a good start! Way to go Abah! We know you can do it!!Lol!

Lately I have been missing my sister, Ana.She's in Paris with her husband and daughter, Umayrah.I missed talking to her.We would talk endlessly and laugh ourselves silly! She's 2 months pregnant now and I guess she must be having her morning sickness.I pray that she would be ok.I know its not easy for her to handle a 3 year old and being pregnant at the same time.

Today is Iman's birthday.She's 9 today.Will be going to PIM to look for her birthday present.She wanted a rabbit but WJ was against it.So maybe I would buy MP3 like her brother.

I finally did 2 layouts after re arranging my scrapbook supplies and I am so proud of myself.It took quite a while to get it started again.I'm doing my Bali trip last year and next will be the Eid festival....last's year one too!

KY will be out of town tommorow and will be back on Sunday.He got 4 more match to go before the league ends.And once he submit his report, we will be going back to Singapore for 2 weeks.I am trying to convince him to go for a short trip to Malaysia but he wanted to go to Bali instead.We'll see how it goes.

Next week my friend Sue will be coming to Jakarta with her family.I would be pretty busy starting next week onwards.After Sue's trip, Dil will be coming for 2 days and from 7-12th June, Shirin will be coming alone.Cant wait to bring them out!

And on and on ....

Had pengajian class today.It ended quite early because we are having Tasbeeh prayers which are held every 2nd week of the month.No wonder classes are full today and luckily I still have my wudhu' before I left the house.

After Dzuhur prayer, went to have lunch with Zai and Noreha in PIM.My stomach was rumbling but we couldn't decide what to have.In the end we settled for Bekerzia.I had Rawon that comes with rice , bean sprouts and chili paste at the side and a Latte.Guess I was too hungry...normally I would just settled for soup or something light.

Before I went for class I had a coffee and lunch another cup.I had to cut down on my caffeine intake. Had to compensate on Tea instead.I couldn't take cold drinks...it gives me cramps afterwards.And plain water are so .....bleagh! Maybe add honey and lime wouldn't taste so bad.I might just try that.

Anyway, after lunch Ky fetched me from PIM.We need to go to Jakarta Timur to collect a lamp that I ordered during INACRAFT.Its made of fibre and with Allah Muhammad calligraphy.There is a bulb inside and when its lighted, its beautiful! KY fell in love with it that he bought another 2 vases for Umi and Mama that is made of clay.I must say that Indonesian people are very creative people.The owner was kind enough to packed for us in a box with bubble wraps and all.We need to order 2 more for my other 2 sets of parents!

P/S I am upset with a friend who uploaded pictures without asking our permission.Its nothing obscene but I think its ethical for her to ask before uploading!

Scrapping...inspiration please!

I need motivations to start my scrap booking project.Its been on hold for wayyyy too long.I had enough papers, embellishments .....etc that can last me a lifetime! But I need drives to start me going soon.Later than that...I wouldn't know if my passion for scrapping would still be there.Hopefully it does!

Every time I had the mood to start scrapping, no idea would come.Sometimes, while in the car an idea would came suddenly and I would quickly wrote in down in my diary.But by the time, I'm home, I had forgotten all about it.I had pictures from last year and the year before that are still lying neatly in the box waiting to be scrap.I surfed the net to get ideas hoping that inspiration would come inside me...but sadly NO!

Maybe I need to rearrange my scrap booking supplies..to get a teeny weeny bit of motivations going!

P/s I was on my computer for too long that my back hurts when I woke up today.Luckily I still had few pieces of heat plaster left.

Perfect marriage? No such things!

KY's contract end this November and still unsure if he will continue with the club.I am okay if he sign on again and I too would be all right if we were to go back to Singapore.Whichever decision he makes I will always support him.Soccer is his life and he always thrive to learn something new or take up new challenge.

Past 8 years we've been married, I was always being left alone and he would travel for work commitment.Even when I joined him here, the next day I was left alone in a new house, new environment without a driver.I learned to be independent, to get things running so I wont be too dependent on him.

Its difficult first few years of our marriage...to get things adjusted.We had different ideas and he being away too often.We would argued at the most slightest things but through faith we managed to overcome the turmoil. It made us more mature and also Alhamdulillah I have family and few good friends to keep me at bay.Communication too is very important be it with husband, friends or families.

Throughout our marriage, we had learned a lot from each other.When we first started dating everything was so sweet, the sun is always shining , the moon is always round and bright, flowers blooming everywhere and boy was I wrong!A year after marriage, all bad habits started to surfaced little by little until you started to wander...Who is this Man I'm marrying ??Hmm...I didn't see that coming!Maybe I didn't read the fine lines.. by then its too late to turn back.Its either you swim or you drown.I chose to swim because I wanted him to be my first and last and till this very date I have never regretted my decision.

That's life...Nothing is perfect...and you thought you married a perfect man! ha ha ha...Wake up and smell the coffee!!You are not living in La La land!

Sweet li'l Fitri

Called Mama yesterday to wish her Happy Mothers Day and she told me the most cutest story about my lil' cousin - Fitri.

Fitri is 5 years old.His mom (my Aunt) was in hospital so Mama and Bik A' took care of Fitri for the time being.One morning, Fitri came by Mama's house and saw her doing her beads necklaces.He told Mama that his Mum would love one of the necklaces and ask how much was it.Mama jokingly said..its $10.Next morning, he came knocking and ask for the necklace.He said he wants to buy it for his Mum.So Mama gave him the necklace and he went to visit his Mum at the hospital to give to her.Since its strict ruling that child under age of 12 couldn't enter the hospital ward, he pass the necklace to Bik A'.

Later in the afternoon, Fitri ask Bik A' to pass $10 to Mama.He took out his own money from his piggy bank to buy his Mum the necklace for Mother's Day!How sweet is that??

Random quizzes

Its Mother's Day today.Wish all the Mums and Mums-to-be A Happy Mother's Day!

Had these quizzes from one of the blogger and I should give it a try : -

1. What is something your husband always says to you?
'Have u pray?'

2. What makes your husband happy?
Watching soccer.

3. What makes your husband sad?
I dunno..I have never seen him sad or maybe he doesnt like showing it.

4. How old is your husband?
41..my goodness! I knew him when he's 23.

5. What was your husband like in high school?
Shy..extremely shy...that's what my MIL told me.

6. How tall is your husband?
170 cm and I love it!

7. What is your husband's favourite thing to do?
I will say it again...Watch soccer

8. What does your hubby do when you're not around?
And again...Watch soccer.

9. If your husband becomes famous, what will it be for?
For having ideas that no one can ever think of.

10.What is your husband really good at?
He's good in ordering his wife around.Think he's born with it.Its one of his talent!

11.What is your husband not really good at?
He's not really good at fixing things at home.Like once he painted MIL's door and he painted the peephole too.And the poor woman have to peek through the window glass each time somebody rings the bell.

13.What is your husband's favourite food?
Bread.He lives on bread especially french loaves.

14.What makes you proud of your husband?
His principles and his dedication.

15.If your husband were a cartoon character, which would he be?
Mr Bean...ha ha ha.Sorry honey!

Getting married

I was on my computer when Ibah msn me and told me that our brother Fawzan, is getting married.I had a shock of my life! Well..not really.I know he will settle down one day..but to hear the news was simply shocking.

• Firstly, we have never heard him liking a girl or he having a girlfriend.
• Secondly, he doesnt met the girl before.

Here how the story goes...

Fawzan teaches at a mosque and one day an uncle approaches him and took liking of him.He wanted Fawzan to be his son-in-law.Fawzan consulted my parents and to make story short, my parents went to the uncle's house to get to know his family.So when my parents came back and ask Fawzan if he's interested...and he said yes although he has never met the girl before.Kind of weird..isn't it? But I know my brother will make a right choice and whomever he chooses I would be happy for him.The wedding Insya'allah will be end of this year.A wedding to plan! I'm so excited! But I know he would probably want a simple no-fuss wedding.

This week was kind of a slow one.

Went to PIM with WJ...first time I went out with her alone after her ordeal.She needs to get some stuff there.She was doing great although in wheelchair.And some people would just stare at her.Come on! You have never seen people in wheelchair before? Quit staring!

KY advised me to bring her out everyday for a short while.It would be good for her rather than she staying at home.

P/s I'm hook with my PSP.I'm now playing SIMS 2 Castaway.

Where have the days gone?

I had a terrible migraine yesterday.Pop 2 panadol extra and slept the whole afternoon.Woke up this morning feeling fuzzy wuzzy.You know the feeling after too much sleep and your body just feel urrgghhh...

Had to dragged myself out of bed.So many things that need to be done today.I need to go for groceries shopping, pay my bills and go to the bank to transfer money.

By the time I finished its already late afternoon.Sometimes you just wonder how the days gone by so fast .

Ky had a game today and he will be back later in the evening.

Today was my MIL's birthday.Happy Birthday Umi!

SARS and SWINE and then what?

Before was SARS and now Swine flu?

Today morning the Swine Flu are already on phase 5 out of 6..that means its already at a critical stage.The virus has been spreading worldwide.Although there are no suspected cases yet in Singapore but precautions are already been alerted.

Yesterday was my appointment at NUH.When me and KY arrived,there was long queue at the entrance of the hospital.We were asked to join the queue to take our temperature and to answer some question ...like Do I have a cough? Whether I had just visited Mexico, USA etc....I was pretty sure that when all these procedures are over, it will be long wait at the clinic.KY had to be back at the hotel by noon.(he is in Sin with the team for the match).Half and hour later, we are able to clear the gantry.

Alhamdulillah, when we arrived the clinic, we are the 2nd patients.The rest got held up downstairs.Went to see Prof and he explained how the IVF stages work.Based on the report, I responded well to the current process.Our next IVF will be in June since I have to recuperate for 2 months.I am to see him 2nd day of my June period.Oh well...we will wait.After the appointment, we had lunch and I went home.

That night went to watch the match at Jalan Besar.The boys played well but fumbled in front of the goal post.We lost 1-0 to DPMM.

This morning send KY to Jalan Besar for training.And he will follow the team straight to airport.They will go back Jakarta and straight to Bandung.Will only be back on the 5th.

And now as I was typing, I am waiting for Linda to give me a buzz.

Going to meet the girls for coffee.My flight back to Jakarta will be Saturday.Wanted to stay long but I got class on Sunday.The kids had a 'helluva' time when I was away for a month and now is 'payback' time.

The pain

I know I have not been blogging.I am already back to Jakarta recuperating.My period came on 4th April.I vividly remembered waking up in the morning and went to take a shower and it came.I was confused and sad.

I remembered crying in the shower questioning myself.Did I exhaust myself?Did I eat something?I called KY and told him the bad news.He was just about to board the plane to Papua when I called.He told me not to worry and if its confirm that is my period we can try again.He said no matter what,with or without a child he always love me.After putting down the phone I immediately called CHR hotline.Since it was Sunday,I was asked to go for blood test on Monday morning.I just don't feel like talking to anybody and I don't feel like telling anybody at that time.I just wanted to be alone.

Next day went to the hospital and did my blood test.Deep inside me there is a tiny bit of hope that it was a false alarm.But who am I kidding?

Right before lunch, CHR called and confirm that I am not pregnant.I was devastated! I was in my own house in my room...crying my heart out!Soon after I called Linda to tell her the news.She came soon after and we talked and we cried.I was quite relieved after a good cry.

At time like these its good to have good friends around.I have to be strong and try again.I wont give up.I know Allah had best things in store for us.I know that!

I just need to get away and go back to KY.2 days later I was back in Jakarta to my loving husband.

WJ was in Singapore for treatment.I get to see her when I fetched her at the airport a day before I leave for Jakarta.She was looking good.She had gain a bit of weight but her face was radiant.

Felt so sorry for her because she was counting to spend time with me in Singapore.When she saw me at the airport, she asked me why I'm going back so soon?At that time I couldn't help it as I whispered to her ear and told her that the IVF had failed.Tears started trickling down as she held my hand firmly.I wanted so much to talk to her!And she knew I wanted to.

Agony of the 2ww

I'm still in dazed.

ER (Embroy Retrieval)was done on 24th March at 12 30 noon.But we have to be there in the morning.I wasn't allowed to eat the night before at midnight.After registering, we were ushered to the Day Surgery Ward at room 2.It was a nice cosy room overlooking a koi pond.After changing to the hospital uniform, there is nothing much to do except to wait and watch HBO.I managed to take note that at 5pm 'I am Legend' will be showing.

At 11 15 am,I was brought to the OT waiting area.After few questioning from the nurses, I was lead to the OT room.I was quite nervous actually..didn't know what to expect.I was give a jab to 'knock' me off.When I woke up its over...didn't feel any pain but I was famished! have not eaten since last night.I was suppose to rest for few hours before they discharged me.At 3 pm, me and KY was discussing what to eat once discharged.I remembered I told him I wanted to eat fish soup with rice.At 5 pm a doctor came and checked on me an by 6 pm I was out.

Inside the car on the way to eat, I felt queasy .The medication was wearing off...I vomited in the car.luckily I had a plastic bag in my bag.Oooh! I felt so uneasy afterwards...my head felt like a 10 tone truck sitting on it.Told KY I don't think so I could make it for dinner.I just wanted to go home.We went to my mom's house instead.She made porridge and I just wallop it all.

KY had to leave for Jakarta the next day.He felt bad for leaving me alone but I'm OK with it.I know he got his job to attend to.I understand darling! Alone at home again...waiting for hospital to call when scheduled for ET.The call finally came and I was scheduled for ET on Friday.

Mummy and Dad send me to the hospital and I was supposed to drink fluids and hold it during the surgery.This time i wasn't being 'knock' off.I was awake throughout the session.It was quite uneasy since I badly wanted to go to the toilet.It was an 15mins process and I was lead back to my room with the bed tilted so it wouldn't spill...I guess.The room was cold and here I was trying hard not to pee.I managed to hold for an hour.I rang the nurse and told them I just need to pee..please.The nurse gave me a bed pan and ...sigh!!

5pm mummy came and fetched me and I was supposed to bed rest for a week.I read in the blog the 2ww (2 week wait) was the longest wait ever.Because during that period , you will be wondering..will I or will I not get pregnant ? And I'm still wondering.I pray to Allah to let me give the chance to become a mommy.

Our 2nd journey

Our 2nd IVF cycle.

I was back in Singapore 4th March for my 2nd attempt in IVF.It was supposed to be in February but I wouldn't want to leave the kids behind.

Prof was very understanding.This time round was different from the previous cycle.On my 4th day of my menses had to inject Gonal F - 225IU.Every two days I had to see Prof and take blood test.My body was responding quite well...I think.Had 6 eggs on the left and 5 eggs on the right.

My ER scheduled this Tuesday, 24th March.KY will be coming today....tonight in fact,But he will only be staying for few days.Miss him so....

My 2 weeks here in Singapore was quite interesting!

I came back to my own home.Its a good feeling.First two days was reserved for spring cleaning the house.Once its done...it a pure satisfaction!

Met up with my old girls...The Danglers..ha haha...that's what we called ourselves during our heydays!Everybody looks the same.Most of the time we kept recalling our past and laugh our heads off.

Spend quality time with my girlfriends.Linda had a chalet at Downtown East and we came down for bar-b-q.And yesterday, we went to JB for shop and food spree.Its been a long time we drove to JB and I was amazed that there a lots of new malls.

Most probably will be staying for another week.Lets see what Prof had to say.Its funny now that I had to ask for Prof's permission to go back when before I had to ask KY's permission.

Nothing is perfect

I am a PERFECTIONIST.

Even there is not perfection in this world but I tried to be near perfect.Everything have to be in order and I'm a sucker for filling things in order.I'm like Monica in 'Friends' or the guy from 'Monk'. I hate messy room, when the floor feels yucky, chairs not aligned to the dining tables, creases on bedsheets, perfumes bottles not lines to my likings..so on and so forth.

My bedroom is a sacred place.Had nice bedsheets with throws and small pillows for decorations and in the evening had the bedside lamp on to give a romantic effect.

When KY wanted to have a nap,I insisted that he have to sleep on the floor.He grumbled a lot and said,"What is the use of having a nice bed when you have to sleep on the floor?" Sorry darling!I just don't like to see the bed messy during daytime.Even then sometimes he just slept on the bed during daytime when I'm out and I would tuck the bed sheet in again after he's done napping.

I tried to be more relax and not bothered with all the mess but I heard voices in my head.So there I go washing the dishes, clearing the tables, picking up crumbs at midnight.

Now that I'm married, my habit still does not change.It gets worst because I kept picking up bits and pieces for KY while he is eating!

And whats up with men and the way they eat?Eat within your horizon..not outside! There's place mat so even if it spill, it will land on the place mat and not the other side of the table?

Now with kids at home,the picking up of cups, plates, bits piece of papers double than before.It agitates me when I see pieces of crumbs lying on the floor, pencils lying here and there.And the other day I found a marker in the toilet sink.I wonder how it got there.I don't know why but I enjoy doing it.

People might thought I am crazy but I'm just being me!

Any other day...

You know what?

It just occurred to me that Allah had granted my wish. I was chatting with Airin the other day.She was asking how I was coping with the kids and all. And suddenly, it came to me that Allah had given me a chance to become a mother even if its not my own flesh and blood.To give me chance how motherhood will fit me if I become one someday ...Insyallah.Although the kids do get on my nerve sometimes but it was a memories that I will cherished forever.

I had pengajian yesterday at Pondok Indah - Doa bulan Safar.Ended after Dzuhur prayer and went to Noreha's house for lunch.By the time I went back home it was already 3 pm. On the way home, I was planning, once home, will do my Asr prayer and chat with my friends before the kids come back from school and maybe slotted some quiet time.Hmm....I didn't get to do the chatting or quiet time.By the time I arrived,they are already home.Sigh.......No 'ME TIME'

Fa called the other day, WJ had to do piles operation.If everything went well, she should be home by Saturday.Not sure if she would do her therapy here or in Singapore.But I'm glad that she able to go through these ordeal.Its difficult time for her and motivations was all she need right now.

KY had no training today so we plan to go out..yipeee! I so much in need to get away from the house before I go bonkers! And this morning, I was AGAIN being reminded to buy board for Ix school project and he wanted a sketch book like his brother.

Beware..Children on the loose!

I couldn't remember when was he last time I had peace and quiet in my own house.WJ was rushed to hospital 2 weeks ago.She had troubled breathing.We received a call from Fa one morning,Ky rushed to their house and looking at her, Ky gave a chest pump.He pumped couple of time when the ambulance finally arrived.

She was admitted to ICU Cinere and was on oxygen for few days before she was finally transported for further treatment and that was how it started.Fa requested for the children to stay over at our house since the house need to be 'cleansed'.

And that is how I had a taste of Motherhood.

To become an instant mum is not a joyride especially with 5 growing kids (from age 12 - 3).Morning was a madhouse here.Its a miracle since the neighbour yet to complained.After 4 of them bundled in a car to school, then I had my morning coffee and it will be peace before 4 pm comes when they return from school.

I have learned to block my ears with all the fighting , the complains and the whining.But sometimes they really test my patience..What do I do? I just locked myself in my room.But 5 mins later I could hear them knocking on the door...'Aunty Ha ...Aunty Ha...what are you doing?I want to come in'

To put them in bed was another hurdle.I didn't know where they get the energy from.They just simply not tired at all.As for me, my energy already drained out from me.The first two eldest frightened to sleep alone, so I had to sleep with them in the room and when I knew they had already fallen asleep, then I would go back to my room.The youngest 2 was easy...at certain time you would able to see their eyes drooping.The girl only sleep when she feels sleepy so I just let her be.

Despite their naughtiness, cheekiness and tantrums each one of them had their own unique ways of expressing themselves.

Another world

Its been a hectic week!

WJ's health had shown slight improvementfor the past 1 week.Her mom came down to Jakarta to nursed her.We had children from the orphanage to read 'Yasin' at home on Friday night.

There's one night that she wont able to sleep and doctor came and giver her Valium.Soon after she kept slapping her right face saying that she couldn't see anything although her eyes were wide open.We kept consoling her that its the effect of Valium.

Few days after that, I noticed that she kept staring ahead.Her eyes were vacant and blank.She was like lost into space.I was quite worried.I ask her if she able to see us.She said her vision is blurry.

On Monday, she was brought to hospital.Fa consulted a neurologist that might able to detect her sickness.She was ok the first two days and after that she had some sort of seizure.Her face was like being pulled to one side and she shouted in pain.One morning while her mom was there it came every 15 mins in the morning.

And the best part, doctors couldn't detect after she had gone through the 3rd MRI.She was admitted to high dependency unit due to the seizures. Finally, a friend of ours came and advices that her sickness was due to the house that they lived in.'Somebody' else's stayed there and wasn't too happy when they moved in.

I didn't really believe in supernatural, although I knew it existed.And as a Muslim we believed that such thing does exist.The 'holy man' advised to keep on reading the Quran hoping that whoever stayed there will go away.

Open up my eyes

Yesterday morning Fa called and ask me to accompany them to Tangerang for WJ's therapy massage.When they came over to pick me up, WJ's was already in the car covered with blankets.Her head still hurts and at that point I'm not sure if she able to handle the journey.From our place to Tangerang is about an hour drive and that is there is no 'machet' (traffic jam).But we finally arrived, Alhamdulillah although she did vomited twice.

He was a Chinese man and from what Fa told me,he is good in getting the spine back in order.When he lightly touched WJ's toes, she shouted in pain.I felt so sorry for her.I couldn't imagine if it was me ...I would be crying non-stop.WJ was pleading for the man to stop and her face was twitching and her eyes fluttering...Ya Allah...please spare her from this pain..Ya Allah!There is nothing I could do except to motivate and consoled her.I knew she was deeply in pain and her head are burning.

When we came back its already 1 pm.We put her to bed ,changed and feed her.I went back home for a while.KY had already gone for training.Guess, my husband will be eating at the training ground.Did my Dzuhur prayers and rest for a while thinking what to cook for KY for diner time.Right after my Asar prayers, Dani came and pick me up to WJ's place.Her kids just came back from school and do a bit of monitoring on their homework.Check into WJ's condition and by Maghrib I'm already back home to cook.

Me and KY had dinner while I posted him on WJ's progress and by 9 pm we are already asleep.I held KY, crying softly...things that happen had opened up my eyes.

Keep strong and be strong

Back to Jakarta.

Prof said that I had only 2 follicles and they have to stop the IVF for this round.I was disappointed and sad.I thought that it would be a smooth sailing but it wasn't.Next plan was to give a month rest and continue after my Feb's period.This time would be a different twist.Would be on Gonal F on my 2nd days of menses.

I had to control my tears when Mama asked how it goes at the hospital.I don't want her to feel sad for me and neither anyone else.

So here I am back to home.To see KY again was a bit consoling.At least I don't have to answer everybody back home.KY said that WJ's health is deteriorating.Although she already woken up she still on drips and painkiller.The moment I touchdown Soekarno Airport, went straight to the hospital.The moment she saw me we cried.So sad to see her like this.Her body had shrunk and she couldn't feel her right side of her body.She kept on crying and wanting to go home.KY told me that Fa trying to get her out of the hospital by tomorrow (Saturday).

WJ was discharged the day after.We kept giving her food and she kept throwing up.Because of the pain , her speech became slurred.Ya Allah, make her feel better...Ya Allah! By seeing her in this stage makes you cry, I cant imagine how she feel.

Mum's the word

I had the most amazing Moms in the world.

I am lucky I had 4 moms (including MIL) and 3 dads whom I deeply loved.My real Mom whom I called Mama spoilt me to bits the whole time I'm home.She would fussed over me and make sure that I eat and had enough rest.I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH .Mashallah walhamdulillah.

Tomorrow will be my next appointment at 830 am.I'm due to scan and blood test.I hope that my follicle will have more than 5.The last scan I had,there are no follicles so Prof had to increase the dosage to 375iu.And still have to take Suprefact in the morning.I was joking with Ana the other day that people might mistaken me for a drug addict because of the piercing around my navel.

I was at Mama's house on Friday.How I wish I was at my own home, nothing beats having your own stuff around you.Saturday morning Mama wanted to eat out for breakfast but was too lazy to go out.Stayed home whole day and watch HBO.Mama & Ayah had dinner appointment that night and only after that we went out for late supper.Sunday morning, we went out for breakfast and to Courts and Ikea after that. I was contemplating to buy the slim PSP ...should I or should I not? I know if I were to ask KY he definitely go against me buying.Cuzzies came around Mama's house late afternoon.We had a blast watching the New Year's video...which I wasn't there when they had the bar-b-q.

Oh! I had a terrible news yesterday ,KY called to informed that WJ was admitted to hospital and was being given drips.When I came back from Jkt, she was sick..Its her nerve giving her problem again.But its been a week and she still have not recovered.And its been 4 days she didn't eat.She had MRI this morning and still waiting for result.I hope its nothing serious.But I sincerely felt that she should come back Singapore for treatment since her doctor had her medical history here.We can only pray to Allah that she will recover soon.Insya' Allah!

P/S The Clark shoes that I was eyeing? It doesn't have my size!Went to TM, Orchard and everywhere...they actually don't have it in my size!Now I'm in a look-out for a comfortable walking shoe! No crocs please!

Yup...still in my country

Still in Singapore.Ya! Have to stay till end Jan.And if everything goes well...insya'allah the OR will be in mid Jan.

Appointment at NUH - to scan and blood test.

Arrived NUH at 745 am and after blood test everything...830 am I was all done.I'm scheduled to return for blood review at 230 in the afternoon.Called Linda if she's in town and apparently she was in the office...so took the train and meet her in Toa Payoh.

Around 11 am CHR Dept said that my blood test show I can proceed to go onto the next step.And here I am...with only a pair of clothes in my luggage.I didn't expect that I would be staying longer therefore I didn't bring extra clothing's.And that's where the shopping began!

When I came back at 230 pm, my next medication was Gonal F. Have to inject daily for 4 days till my next appointment that is on the 9th Jan (Friday).The nurse advised me to rest and be stress free.Hmmm...how do I do that?

When will it ever stop?

Today news Israeli ground troops and tanks push deeper into Gaza.

When will the Israeli stop what they are doing?

Don't you have enough blood that you need the blood from children as well?

STOP what you are doing!!!

Hadith - Sahih al-Bukhari 3.624, Narrated Anas, r.a.Allah's Apostle said, "Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one." People asked, "O Allah's Apostle! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?" The Prophet said, "By preventing him from oppressing others''.

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Ok...everything is packed and ready to go.What's there to packed?

Will on ly be gone for 2 nights!I wonder why Qatar's flight to Sin is so late at night.By the time we landed it will be 2am in the morning! And in few more hours I should be on my way to NUH (appt at 8am).

Sms Linda & Ida this morning, meeting the girls in town probably after my appointment.Dad ask me to drive to NUH and send mummy to work after that.There is no way I would drive and get myself stuck in the morning traffic!To drive through AYE would be a nightmare especially in the morning.I would rather take the train than to drive.It will be much faster.

I nearly forgot to pack the needles and Suprefact in.I still have to give myself an injection tomorrow morning.I'm getting quite good at these actually! I was just showing KY how ugly my navel looks now.You are able to see couple of dots around it.Its going to be Maghrib soon.Will leave for the airport soon after.Insya Allah,will be back soon.

Whats wrong with me..

Going back to Singapore tomorrow for my appointment.My period came yesterday and Mummy called NUH whether to still proceed with the injection or stop.Couldn't recalled what the nurse said the other day.If I'm not wrong she said that my period will still come as normal...sigh..I dunno.

I'm just too tired to think.Mummy and dad just left for a 10days visit here.And it was really hectic.To please Dad and Mummy is not an easy task.Love them to bits but sometimes they can really get into my nerve.They just dont agree with anything!But miraculously I managed...alhamdulillah!

These few days I was feeling quite moody ,weepy and snappy!Was it the medication (Suprefact) that make me feel this way? Every little things can bring me to tears.Like few days ago I was watching CNN about the Gaza bombing.I was literally bawling soon after that! I dunno....and I nearly pick a fight with KY...partly blaming him (an Arab) ..accusing the Arabs for not intruding! Sigh....